Ditch The Superficial: 3 Ways To Create Deeper, More Authentic Conversations

Are you yearning to get away from sappy, superficial conversation, but don’t know how?  

I’ve got you.

But first, a short story.

What’s your family/friend shorthand?

You know, the terms that only your friends or family would understand.

Suffusion

When my kids were little, I made up the term ‘suffusion.’ 

When either kid heard that word, they knew something sweet was coming.

I’d gather my kid between me and my husband and say suffusion – meaning all sorts of love and support would be flowing their way.

Sappy?  Definitely.

Did they feel loved?

I sure hope so.

We’d end it with a giggle by pretending to make a sandwich.  I’d list an ingredient, along with their dad and them.

We’d end up with some pretty weird combos – like a pickle, peanut butter, and ham sandwich.

Voilá, suffusion, an example of our family shorthand.

Switching to the current day, it feels like kindness, empathy, and understanding are in short supply.

Let me give you another example of shorthand to help with that.

People yearn for greater connection but may feel lost about how to get there.

I’m reminded of another term I made up for my kids when they were young.

HDR.

Heavy, deep, and real.

When I used the term HDR, it meant we needed to have a, well, heavy (serious), deep (not superficial), real (authentic) conversation.

Moving from sappy superficial to heavy, deep, and real.

How do you get from LSF (light, superficial, and fake) to HDR?

Try aiming for these three HDR goals:

1. You feel understood and ‘got’
2. They feel understood and ‘got’ (the person you’re in conversation with)
3. Connect: you both feel on the same page, or at least in the same book

Now that you have the overarching goals of heavy, deep, and real (H.D.R.), here’s some added support for how to get there.

I’ve written a lot about communication skills.

Feel free to check out some of those posts, with the intention of getting to HDR where you both feel understood, ‘got’, and connected.

When it happens, it’s a sweet, sweet feeling.

More HDR and less LSF can be world-changing.

Go for it.

Now go on and learn, laugh, and lead

Learn

• Reflect on what specifically makes you feel heard, ‘got’ and connected.

Laugh

• This little girl’s reaction to her dad’s fake interview is hilarious.

Lead

• Go for the HDR and use some of my communication skills blog posts to help you get there.

P. S.

• Speaking of learning, if you’d like to brush up on your public speaking skills, check out the Effective Public Speaking course I’m giving June 18th and 19th if you’re a UN staff member (and if you’re not but you’re interested, simply reach out. Let’s talk!).
• Here’s what some past UN workshop participants have said about the workshop:
  • I am now equipped with tips on how to be a good public speaker
  • Lee-Anne made it easy, fun, and enjoyable. Very informative.