You know those thoughts you have, the fleeting impressions or sensory sneakers that flit across your awareness before you’re conscious of them? They come & go faster than the chocolate that graced my kids’ Christmas stockings. It’s enough to make you nuts.
I’ve been spending time teasing them out. Trying to be more aware of how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking before my conscious mind muddles it up with a misshapen but well intended translation.
For example if I have the fleeting impression of being tired or overwhelmed I try to ‘catch’ it before my conscious mind says ‘you’ve no reason to be tired’ etc.
Why am I doing this? Because it’s in line with one of my all time favourite quotes by Jiddu Krishnamurti:
If you being to understand who you are without changing, then who you are undergoes a transformation.
My results? I think we’re all n.u.t.s.
We all have tons of n.u.t.s that take up valuable space in the hardware of our brain.
N – nagging
U – underlying
T – things to do
My n.u.t.s tend to direct my focus an amazing amount of time. I’ll be checking email, then swoosh, in drops a n.u.t. & all of a sudden I’m making list.
Clunk. Another n.u.t. drops in & I’m redirected to check a website.
Thunk. Another n.u.t. drops & all of a sudden I’m paying a bill (all the while I’m intending to blog)
Technology is both a curator of n.u.t.s & a curse. Technology can keep the n.u.t.s at bay or mercilessly shake them out of the tree until it’s raining almonds, pecans & walnuts.
So here’s to the n.u.t.s in all of us. May they remain on the tree until you’re ready to pick them. May you be conscious of them & may that consciousness undergo a transformation a la Jiddu Krishnamurti.
Need another example of how n.u.t.s can drive you nuts? I just had 3 nuts drop in, nope actually 5 nuts, scratch that make it 8 nuts.
1. I googled nut trees so I didn’t sound like an idiot & use a type of nut that didn’t actually grow on a tree
2. While googling I noticed the Swahili terms that come up (as I’m currently in Kenya Google thinks I’m fluent in Swahili) & was tempted to google one for the fun of it
3. The remote playlist I’m listening to at the UN (my MacBook picks up shared playlists) just started playing the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy
4. Which made me think of my facebook post about whether I should try to contact the owner & thank him. Which made me check my facebook post & comment on a reader’s comment in turn.
5. I’m very aware that I desperately have to go to the bathroom but wonder if it’s worth packing up my computer to go there (as am in a public place & don’t want to get it stolen).
6. I end up asking a lovely woman, Lucky who’s on leave from W.H.O. work in Somalia, to watch my stuff & we end up talking about the book she’s reading ‘Learning French in 15 minutes a day’
7. I ran into a friend on the way to the bathroom & we chatted for a bit
8. When I came back to my computer I told Lucy that she’s featured in a blog post & we had a lovely continuation of our conversation